Tom does what he normally he always does --- kissing his wife, crawling into bed and falling asleep. All of a sudden, he wakes up with an elderly man dressed in a white robe sitting next to him..

"What the heck are you doing in my bedroom? ... and who are you?" he asked.

"This is not your bedroom," the man replied,
"I am St. Peter, and you are in heaven."

"WHAT! Are you saying I'm dead? I don't want to die! I'm too young," said Tom. "I want you to send me back immediately."

"It's not that easy", said St.Peter. "You can only return as a dog or a hen. The choice is your own."

Tom thought about it for a while, and figured out that being a dog would be too tiring, but a hen would probably have a nice and relaxed life. Running around with a rooster can't be that bad.

"I want to return as a hen," Tom replied.

And in the next second, he found himself nicely feathered and in a chicken farm. But now he felt like his rear end was gonna blow. Then along came the rooster.

"Hey, you must be the new hen St. Peter told me about," he said. "How do you like being a hen?"

"Well, OK I guess, but it feels like my butt is about to explode."

"Oh that!" said the rooster. "That's only the ovulation going on. You need to lay an egg."

"How do I do that?" Tom asked.

"Cluck twice, and then you push all you can."

Tom clucked twice and pushed more than he was good for, and then 'plop' an egg was on the ground.

"Wow" Tom said. "That felt really good!" So he clucked again and squeezed. And you better believe that there was yet another egg on the ground.

The third time he clucked, he heard his wife shout:

"Doggone it Tom! Wake up! You're messin' up the bed sheets again!"

"Are you a lawyer?"
"Yes."
"How much do you charge?"

"A hundred dollars for four questions."
"Isn't that awfully expensive?"
"Yes. What's your FOURTH question?"

Feedback

Terry - Ruoal! I'm not srue taht wlohe sleplnig tinhg rlaely wkros as avriedetsd. Tehn aaign, if a uiestnvriy sudty poevrs it, who am I to dsuitpe it?

Dading - it is wed here in the land of 86 degree temperature (Makati, Philipppines) and i loved the jokes you chose. i am in an internet cafe when i get your jokes so i have a roomful of witnesses to attest to how much i laugh when i open my tgif email. thank you so much for putting me on the A list.

LynAnn - Thanks for going back to sending directly I've been missing TGIF for weeks.

Rachel - THANK YOU FOR GOING BACK TO THE OLD FORMAT! :-)

Roel - good stuff! couldn't have done this any better.

Wally - Another good one .... I hope you had a good few hours of sleep this morning ... TGIF [for you] but to us working people in the publishing world, there is no such thing as TGIF Weekdays and weekends seem to have a blurring overlap all the time. You know what I mean. At least your TGIF gives me a peg in the calendar that reminds of the traditional weekend. Onward and forward. Best regards.

Letters that were misplaced and found:

Rick - The "Locker Phone' joke was great!!! I can so see that happening in a locker room full of guys!

Bernie - Thanks for the TGIF that you sent directly.

Laura - Congratulations on your anniversary. Did you know that today (1/27) is also the 250th birthday of Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart? And Sunday begins the Year of the Dog in the Chinese calendar. It's a busy
weekend! Thanks for the jokes. I don't mind the "list" jokes. They are the funniest! "We've alerted our caterers" is going to be in my mind all day, along with "Wasn't I married to you once?" Have a happy anniversary!

TGIF videos of the week
Boing!
sent by Sylvia of Virginia

Sumo
sent by Ding of Vancouver

Cool New Auto
(no camera tricks)
sent by Heli of Arcadia

RIDDLE of the week
sent by Robert of Van Nuys

A man was about to be executed, the judge gave him a choice of what form of
execution to use. He was to be given one final statement; if this statement was the truth he would be executed by guillotine and if this final statement was a lie he would be hung.

The man made his final statement, upon which he was set free.

What was his last statement?

The answer is at the bottom of this column.

Runners Up

I need to give credit to some friends who sent some great jokes but just missed out usually due to technical complexity, length or sensitivity issues. Below are the TGIF honorable mentions. Some are not really jokes but insightful letters. Not to worry. These jokes may yet be chosen to grace our BONUS joke in the future editions. The jokes that almost made it are indicated in red.

• Chad of Orange County -
  Potato story
• Ding of Vancouver
  Men's Rules, Le coeur fait boum, Management quotes, Catholic Church in Vegas
• Dave of New York
  Two women in heaven
• Deb of Burbank
  That's a Sista!
• Debbie of Pasadena -
  Public toilet, Dog philosophy, Circumcised
• Ed of Burbank -
  White House breakfast, Just revealed, Interesting site, Homeland security
• Marlene of Manila -
  Drive-through User's Manual
• Naomi of Burbank -
  Heart warming story, The sea
• Cheryl of Temple City -
  A woman's poem
• Pam of San Diego -
  Mathematical viewpoint
• Rick of Chino Hills -
  Marriage, Ice cream for the soul
• Michael of New York -
  Bumper sticker, Gold teeth, The true New Yorker
• Rod of Glendale -
  Christian humor, From friend to nurse, Ten peeves that dogs have, Man of the house, Suit sale, Time on your hands, Interesting Statistics, Dear IRS
• Bernie of Virginia -
  Med students, Life in a retirement village
• Susan of Riverside -
  Lawyers and a Southern grandma
• Wally of Riverside, CA -
  New Office jargon, History of the middle finger

ANSWER to the RIDDLE:

The man said:

Are you ready?

This is it ...

The get out of jail answer;

"I WILL BE EXECUTED BY BEING HUNG"!!!

Therefore, if he were to have been hung it would have been the truth and
visa versa with being beheaded.

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